I am reaching new levels of understanding as I face changes. We all face changes each day, some large and some small. Some cause us stress and some cause us joyousness. I seek the idea that this could be joyful and turn away from the stress when I can. Honestly, I am not sure I can find joy hidden in this yet. Maybe as it gets better I will look back at these posts and laugh at my fear and anguish.
Anguish, that is the first time I ever recall using that word in written form. It is the best term for me today as I break yet another rule of early morning entry and type tonight. Tonight for the mere fact that I was in an active social situation this evening and I found myself skipping around on conversational topics. I hope they did not realize that I was doing that but then again conversation do tend to go lots of directions in the environment I was located.
I will now reflect on the day. Typical morning if my memory serves me. Kids came to tend to animals, daughter had to leave town for a special K-9 search need, had a doctor appointment and kids had a fundraiser to work. Came home put animals to bed and cursed out a goat. My morning was spent saving my energy for later so I did not really begin my day until 2 pm. Sat around a lot and intermittently swept the floors. OK that is not a memorable day but there are several things that happened that require action tomorrow.
Tomorrow plan will be calling insurance to see if they will cover some items needed. How will I remember this? Well, I put it on my granddaughters to remind me. I stressed how important that is. I see we are back to needing a “to do list” so I could have written it down and trigger my own memory. I need to fill out raffle tickets for a friend who paid for them tonight. How will I remember that….well I folded that money in an odd shape in hopes that it triggers my brain. I have done that for many years as so many people pay me for events that I organize and I never want to mix that money with mine. Since it is an old trick I am sure I will remember it tomorrow but just in case I did tell one of the children to recall it for me if I ask.
How could this happen to me? I mean do you have any idea how many times in my life I have organized events for kids, or training events for adults, or educational opportunities for children? I can work a busy shift in the ICU and recall the whole day weeks later right down to specific lab values if significant enough. I think I am a shining example of a complete woman who can work a job, multitask a girl scout meeting, teach two grade levels at one time, and a variety of other miraculous possibilities. I am no grub on this earth but a well root tree that spread wide underground to support many branches as they reach for the sun.
A song comes to mind as I type tonight. I hope I can get the lyrics right… at least the part I want to emphasize to express my emotions. It is from Cats called Memories….
“Daylight, I must wait for the sun light. I must think of a new life and I mustn’t give in.
When the dawn comes tonight will be a memory too. And a new day will begin. ….. …..
touch me it’s so easy to leave me all alone with my memory of my days in the sun. “
Where Do The Memories Hide 